in which i shake my head wearily and in resignation.

July 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm (Uncategorized)

oh dear.

do you know how long i have resisted this? do you know?

people have been telling me for ages i ought to have a blog. i have smiled politely, thanked them, and demurred each time. and each time, i told myself i would never be one of those people. after all, if i had my way, we would all still be writing with quill pens. i see the internet–and indeed, all technology, for that matter–as a necessary evil. i employ it because i have no choice, not because i find it laudable in its own right.

and yet… and yet…

i am prolix. wordy. annoyingly verbose. even hypergraphic at times. and i find i simply cannot say everything i need to say in the fora available to me at the moment. i am currently attempting to work out a great many issues regarding my gender identity and my place in the world, and i am fortunate enough to be able to do it with the support and assistance of a number of like-minded people, most of whom i have never met in person. but i simply can’t say everything that’s on my mind to each one individually, and i find myself having to repeat myself continually, which is tedious–not in the sense of saying the same things over and over, because i am inordinately fond of my own voice and hearing it is nothing but a delight to me i am sorry to admit, but simply because i get weary of typing the same words over and over. plus i frequently forget to whom i’ve said them, which on occasion makes me look like an idiot when i end up saying the same thing for the nth time to someone who fancies themself the sole recipient of my wisdom. i end up looking like a senile old fool. which isn’t far from the truth, to be frank. but i digress.

i’ve got no business having a blog, not when there is such an exasperating preponderance of them out there as it is. but upon reflection i find it both appeals to my vanity and may serve a certain purpose in helping me to clarify and articulate my thoughts all in one place, rather than scattering them amongst the multitude. and i promise steadfastly to those with whom i am in correspondence that our conversations will heavily influence the content of my posts here. i may even assign you all covert, secret pseudonyms and let you guess which one you are. that would be fun, wouldn’t it? wouldn’t it? hmm. perhaps it would only be fun for me. nevermind. that’s always been a good enough excuse for me to do anything.

i cannot justify myself any further at the moment. i am too heartsick at the fact that the disturbing epithet blogger may now, legitimately, be hurled in my general direction. i had better duck and cover. more soon, dear friends. and i promise to introduce myself more thoroughly to all future friends in the next post.

good lord. i think i need a drink.